Overwhelmed

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So, my blog has sort of taken on a different flavor as of late. When I first started writing again, towards the end of August, I was all optimistic that my blog would be a collection of recipes, restaurant reviews, and DIY projects. The thing with blogs, and writing in general, is they sort of take on a mind of their own, they ignore what your intention was, and encourage you to get to the heart of everything. As a result, my happy go lucky little newlywed lifestyle blog seems to be shifting. It is shifting to my life, and my story, and maybe I will be lucky enough that other people will want to read it, if not, it's a way for me to get my emotions out. Let me tell you, right now, my brain is absolutely fried. I explained it to Tom the other day, he asked how I was feeling, and I told him that I cannot focus on anything and my brain feels like scrambled eggs.

Our first IVF trial is now in full swing. I just completed my suppression phase, and now I am waiting for good ol' aunt flo to arrive so that I can become a human pin cushion. I mean, so that I can start administering my hormones, by injection. Two a night, for I want to say about 12 days. I'm not afraid of needles, but I am absolutely terrified of the idea of giving shots to myself. I've watched the educational videos online that my doctor prescribed, and tomorrow I get some one on one time with a nurse to answer any questions. Then I get to start going to regular ultrasounds until the doctor decides that I've created enough follicles for surgery. Which should be sometime in mid-November. Five days after that, the best two embryos will be transferred back into me, and by Thanksgiving we find out if the entire process is successful. My doctor is very optimistic due to my age. I'm terrified. I'll be honest, I'm so used to being infertile that over the last year, even when I've been late, in the back of my head, like it or not, I knew that I was likely not pregnant. It still hurts to have confirmation, but at the same time, it has kept me away from thinking about being a mommy. This time around? Completely different story. I don't know how to describe it, but Tom and I just have this sort of gut feeling that next August we will be welcoming twin girls into the world. The reality of we are going to become parents, sooner versus later, is starting to hit home.

Tom and I paid our final car payment about a week ago, and now we are on the market for a new car. Our list of things we are looking for in a car has completely changed, we need something that we can take camping and on road trips, that will also fit a car seat or two and baby gear. Safety ratings are also taking a whole new priority. This past weekend, my mom and I went to a baby shower. I had a blast at the baby shower and got to hold my cousin's three month old baby. Once I got home, I browsed around the website of a popular baby chain. I was more than a little struck with sticker shock. Babies can be expensive! Needless to say, we are also in the process of stabilizing our finances, with plans to purchase our first new car by the end of 2013 and a house, yes, a house, in the next 3-5 years.

Medical procedures, babies, finances, cars, and houses. No wonder my brain is scrambled eggs. On the positive note, I'm happy to be planning for the future and making steps in a positive direction. On the other had, it is a lot to process in a relatively short piece of time.